I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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