god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
