Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
