I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
