Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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