he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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