It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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