just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
