I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
