Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
