What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
