called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
