i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
