Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Green mimosas i think yes
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
