why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
