omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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