wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
