i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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