his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
