Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
