Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
