Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
