i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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