omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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