I will die if light touches me.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
