i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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