We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
