Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
