i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
