This is not my ceiling
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
