bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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