I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
