So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
