Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
