I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
