So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
