My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
