I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
