Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
