nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Even my vagina gasped.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i now understand why vodka
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
