I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
