dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
