you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
