i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
