I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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