i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
