you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
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