Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Everything about him screamed your future.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I want to fling myself into the sun
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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