So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
