Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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