i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
